China Society

“Before I Met Him” – Unhappy Marriage Post Goes Viral on Weibo

A post on Zhihu about an unhappy marriage has received millions of views.

Published

4 years ago

May 28, 2021

A social media post by a Chinese woman sharing her unhappiness in marriage has gone trending on Weibo. The post, which was originally posted on Q&A platform Zhihu.com on May 19, focuses on the issue of losing the desire to share one’s passions with each other after getting married.

The post was reshared on Weibo on May 27 by a popular blogger (@我的前任是极品, 16M fans), after which it went viral. Over 37,000 people commented on the post and more than 450,000 users liked it.

The post describes the life of a woman who used to live a happy life in Shanghai but who now, married with a child, feels she cannot share her memories and feelings with her husband, who keeps shutting her down. She feels her married life is like “living in a cage.”

A hashtag page relating to the post (#婚后分享欲丧失的瞬间#) received over 490 million views on Friday, making it one of the most-discussed Weibo topics of the day.

Over the past weeks, there have been many trending topics related to marriage and married life in China. Earlier in May, the annual China Beautiful Life Survey, conducted by the National Bureau of Statistics, revealed that 19.7% of married women in China regret getting married.

That topic also sparked discussions on married life and dissatisfaction among women, with many commenters indicating that they thought the actual number of unhappily married women might actually be much higher than 19.7%.

The dissatisfaction with marriage relates to many different issues. The problem of domestic violence has received much more attention in China recently. The issue of women feeling pressured to get married also sparked many discussions throughout the years. The clash between traditional ideas about married life, including the division of household responsibilities, and the ambitions and aspirations of modern-day women in China keeps coming back in day-to-day discussions.

The post that went viral is (loosely) translated below:

Before I met him, I was in Shanghai, going out for food and drinks every weekend, hiking and camping in the mountains with my buddies, and going to my colleagues’ house for mahjong and hotpot games. I spent all of my money every month and also used installments for my credit card. But I was also working hard, I was the best performer in a team of about ten people. I was doing well for myself but I was also a bit of a ‘happy-go-lucky.’

After I met him, I left Shanghai to go to Guangzhou, because we had more prospects of settling down there and buying a house. We’ve been in Guangzhou for four years now. We got married and have a child. On the weekends, we never get together with friends. Actually, we don’t really have friends. He doesn’t like to go out for walks and I feel too lazy to move anyway. Before we had our baby, we would watch movies on the weekends and have dinner together, but now basically everything revolves around our child. Of course, since we’ve been leading this life we’ve been able to save money, even though my wages aren’t high, and we have a strong sense of security.

But as the days go by, I feel more and more suffocated. I will give you an example, I hope you’ll understand.

A while ago I went back to Shanghai to take care of something. I was finished at 9 pm that evening and felt good, so I rode a bike to go back to the bar, and I wanted to see the place where I had lived. I had lived in Shanghai for three years, and I felt deeply about it – I loved this city. Especially the area of Xujiahui, where I had lived, and where the streets were quiet and the houses were pretty.

When I bring back the memories of my old life, my heart feels a bit heavy, but I can’t share that with him, because I don’t think he would like to hear about it.

After I returned from the bar, I told him about the job interview I had in a video call. HR had told me they would discuss wages with me the next day. He immediately started to lecture me on how to talk to them. It would be ok if it was just that, but in his tone of voice, I sensed he questioned my capabilities as if I didn’t understand anything. This manner of speaking will come up on a daily basis, but on this day it particularly got to me. I just said: “Could you mind your tone and consider my feelings? I was just riding my bicycle and feeling good, but I can’t share that with you because I know you don’t want to talk about that.” He immediately responded: “Don’t tell me about it, I definitely don’t want to chat about it with you. I don’t approve of your Shanghai life values at all, I don’t want to hear about your life there.”

I felt hurt. I remember how he shared pictures taken at his old school with me before and how I showed interest and brought back memories together with him. Even now I could imagine him not wanting to share more with me, but I can’t phantom him being so determined not to discuss this.

This all left a bad taste in my mouth and made me despair about my life afterward. How the person that matters most to me did not show any care or longing for me while I was away by myself, just wanting to shut you up and not talk about those useless things. Who can I share my happiness with? Who could I confide in and share my longing? Who could take my loneliness away? You are happily married, but have you ever thought that there are women out there who are treated like this by their husbands and that these husbands even think their wives should be grateful for finding a wise husband like him? I can’t really analyze it too much. I don’t know if I made myself clear. I just hope someone will understand.

Perhaps a lot of people are stuck dealing with marital infidelity, domestic violence, or poverty, and you may find this kind of sentimental nonsense of mine very boring, but I would like to say; is this not some kind of psychological domestic violence? When at any time and anywhere you are degraded by your partner, your needs are always rudely rejected, and you’re always afraid of being lectured and blamed for everything you do -isn’t that hard to bear?

Some of you may question if there’s something I did wrong, or if I perhaps really am incapable. I think I can still objectively evaluate myself: I have an annual salary of 150K [$23,500] (the other day of negotiating salary with the company we talked about an annual salary of 240K, and by the way, his annual salary is over 400K [$62,700]), I show filial respect to my parents, I’m especially good to my in-laws – I gave birth to the son the whole family wanted (let’s not mention the preference for boys), we have no house and no car (we’re planning to buy a house). I don’t like luxury goods. The most expensive bag I have is 780 [$122]. I do not wear makeup. My skincare products are of Curél rank. My most expensive shoes aren’t more expensive than 600 [$94]. Since I’m with him, I’ve only gone on two three-day trips in the area. Usually, I pay for most of the meals and movies (he pays for the water and electricity), Starbucks is overpriced, but we often have Luckin coffee. In general, I’m a level-headed – not overly materialistic and certainly not stingy – mentally healthy woman who is longing for a happy life.

Before getting married, I was looking forward to married life. Maybe my parents were too happy. After marriage, I feel like I’m living in a cage for 80% of the time. I can’t escape from it, and even if I could escape, I don’t know where to go.

The hard part about marriage is not that you are not married to a good man, but that you are married to a man who everyone thinks is a good man, but who is not good to you at all and does not even want to be good to you.

One of the main reasons the post went viral on Friday is because the anonymous blogger’s story resonated with many Weibo users.

“I feel this could have been me,” one person said: “Before, if there was something, he would be the first person I’d share it with, but not anymore. Because now I think he wouldn’t like it, or even dislike it, or not show interest at all. Over time, I’ve stopped sharing my feelings with him, regardless of whether I’m happy or unhappy.”

One commenter wrote: “When men get married it’s fine as long as they go to work, there is no big difference from being single. Yet when women get married they also need to work, and to give birth and look after the baby, do housework, serve the in-laws – it’s just not about losing the desire to share one’s passion, it’s about there simply being no time to share!”

Others also comment that sometimes too much information is shared between their partner and them: “He even lets me know how many times he went to the toilet!”

Although many people understand the original poster’s situation or even recognize themselves in her, there are also those who do not understand why she doesn’t get divorced. “This is not about losing a passion to share, this is about no longer loving someone,” some say: “If you can’t even talk about things that make you happy anymore, it’s the beginning of the end.”

By Manya Koetse

Follow @whatsonweibo

Featured image by JJ Ying on Unsplash

Spotted a mistake or want to add something? Please let us know in comments below or email us. First-time commenters, please be patient – we will have to manually approve your comment before it appears.

Up Next

China’s ‘Three Child Era’ Announcement Is Met with Banter and Backlash on Weibo

Don't Miss

Cracking Down on ‘Unhealthy’ Wedding Customs: Xiong’an New Area Launches Wedding Reform Experiment

Manya Koetse

Manya is the founder and editor-in-chief of What's on Weibo, offering independent analysis of social trends, online media, and digital culture in China for over a decade. Subscribe to gain access to content, including the Weibo Watch newsletter, which provides deeper insights into the China trends that matter. More about Manya at manyakoetse.com or follow on X.

Click to comment

China Memes & Viral

Nanchang Crowd Confuses Fan for Knife — Man Kicked Down and Taken Away

An unfortunate misunderstanding led to one innocent man being the only person injured in a crowd of thousands.

Published

4 weeks ago

October 5, 2025

Manya Koetse

On the evening of October 1st, National Day and the start of a week-long holiday, Nanchang was celebrating with a spectacular fireworks/drone show, drawing an enormous crowd of people (see video).

But the fireworks weren’t the only thing drawing attention. One man on Nanchang’s crowded Shimao Road caught bystanders’ eyes.

He was shirtless, strongly built with a visible tattoo, and was waving a pointed object while loudly shouting something that sounded like, “I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you!”

At first, the people around him seemed unsure of what to do, keeping their distance and too afraid to approach. A large crowd formed but stayed back.

Then, a brave young man in red rushed forward and snatched the pointed object from his hand, while another young man leapt in with a flying kick that knocked him to the ground.

Several others then joined in, working together to restrain the man, as onlookers surrounded the scene and held him there until police arrived and took him to the station.

Soon, videos of the incident spread online (see video here), and rumors quickly surfaced that the man had been trying to attack people with a knife.

But that all turned out to be one major misunderstanding.

The next day, local police clarified what had actually happened, followed by an explanation from the man himself.

The man in question, a 31-year-old local second-hand car dealer named Li, had come to see the fireworks together with his family, including his sisters and three nephews.

Because of the very hot weather, he had taken off his shirt and was cooling himself with a 10-yuan folding fan he had just bought along the way.

After the show, while walking back, Li realized one of his nephews was missing and searched for him, calling out in his local dialect: “Where’s my kid? Where’s my kid?” (“我崽尼我崽尼” wǒ zǎi ní).

Bystanders misheard this as “我宰你我宰你” (wǒ zǎi nǐ, wǒ zǎi nǐ, “I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you”) and mistook his folding fan for a machete.

Meanwhile, Li couldn’t understand why people around him were avoiding him and keeping their distance from him while he was searching for his nephew (see that moment here, also see more footage here). People were watching him, and recording the scene from a distance.

Before Li realized what was happening, the fan was snatched from his hands and he was violently kicked. A crowd swarmed him, beat him, and pushed him to the ground.

The police then detained him, and it wasn’t until the early hours of October 2, after thorough questioning, that he was finally released.

“I’m still confused about it,” Li said the next day. Holding the fan up to the camera, he asked: “Can a fan like this really scare people? I don’t understand — I just got beaten for nothing.”

Mr Li in his video, showing the fan he bought for 10RMB/$1.4 at the Nanchang fireworks.

Some commenters remarked that out of the 1.2 million people who were out in Nanchang that night, he was the only one injured.

Li seems to be doing ok apart from a sore backside and a puzzled mind, and his nephew apparently is also safe and well.

The bizarre misunderstanding has sparked widespread banter online, with people now referring to Li as “Nanchang Brother Fan” (南昌扇子哥).

“I’m dying of laughter. It’s both tragic and hilarious,” one Douyin user wrote, while others simply called the situation “so drama” (抓马 zhuāmǎ): “I’m not supposed to laugh, but I can’t help it.”

Some also noted that they understood why people at the scene mistook Li for a criminal: “At night, a guy with tattoos, holding a long stick-like object, shouting loudly all the way, what would you think?”

All joking aside, the public’s response on such a crowded night — when so many people gathered together, potentially making a tempting target for those with bad intentions — shows a heightened sense of vigilance. Unlike the U.S., where gun violence is more common, shootings are rare in China. But random stabbings have increasingly made headlines.

For Nanchang in particular, a stabbing incident that shocked the nation had taken place only weeks earlier: a 19-year-old woman was attacked and stabbed more than ten times by a 23-year-old man she did not know, and later died from her injuries.

But there have also been other recent cases, from Wuhan to Leiyang. And in 2024 especially, a spate of stabbing incidents shocked the country. In Wuxi, Jiangsu Province, a mass stabbing left eight people dead and 17 others injured.

The positive takeaway from this entire mix-up is that the quick action of the crowd — despite their wrong assessment of the situation — shows that people weren’t afraid to step in for the sake of public safety.

But others claim the exact opposite is true. Illustrator and commentator ‘Wu Zhiru’ (吴之如), former editor at Zhenjiang Daily, saw the incident as an example of toxic herd mentality. He posted an illustration of a fan being held up with the characters 清风徐来 (qīng fēng xú lái, “a cool breeze slowly blows”), an idiom to describe a pleasant atmosphere. A finger from the right points at the fan-holder, saying “Look, he’s gonna commit violence!” (“哇，他要行凶啦!”)

Wu Zhiru warns against panic-driven mob mentality and wonders why the first man, who snatched the “knife” from Li’s hands, did not stop the crowd from attacking Li as soon as he discovered that he had snatched away a fan and not a blade. Drawing historical parallels to the Cultural Revolution, Wu argues that people are sometimes so set on doing the “heroic” thing that they hesitate to correct misunderstandings once better information is available — a mindset that can lead to serious, harmful consequences.

For Li himself, despite the unfortunate night he had, the situation has actually brought him some unexpected fame and extra attention for his second-hand car dealership, which undoubtedly makes his boss happy (in a very recent livestream, Li was praised for being kind and loyal).

Many netizens also argued that the real lesson to draw from this ordeal is the importance of speaking proper standard Chinese. Some even framed the incident as “The Importance of Mandarin” (论普通话的重要性), pointing out that the whole problem began because Li was misunderstood while speaking dialect.

Image posted on Weibo in support of the “fan-waving brother.” The character on the fan says “tolerate.”

Others joked that the misunderstanding was just a grave injustice to shirtless men everywhere, writing: “From now on, the world has one less sincere guy who goes shirtless in the streets. He’ll never be the same again.”

By Manya Koetse

(follow on X, LinkedIn, or Instagram)

China Memes & Viral

China’s National Day Holiday Hit: Jingdezhen’s “Chicken Chop Bro”

From viral street food vendors to China’s donkey crisis and new eldercare services, here’s this week’s Weibo highlights in What’s on Weibo’s China Trend Watch.

Published

1 month ago

September 30, 2025

Manya Koetse

🔥 What’s Trending in China This Week? Stay updated with China Trend Watch by What’s on Weibo — your quick overview of what’s trending on Weibo and across other Chinese social media, curated by Manya Koetse.

What’s inside:

1. Jingdezhen’s “Chicken Chop Bro” Becomes Nationwide Meme
2. China’s 2025 Golden Week Travel Trends
3. China Faces Donkey Shortage Crisis
4. Word of the Week: “Ride-hailing for Relatives” 亲属打车 Qīnshǔ Dǎchē
5. What’s Inside at a Glance

TOP TREND

1. Jingdezhen’s “Chicken Chop Bro” Becomes Nationwide Meme

[#鸡排哥1分钟视频报价仅10元#] [#鸡排哥#] [#鸡排哥回应走红#]

From Beijing to Zibo, every now and then, food stall vendors go viral — for their charm, their uniqueness, and most of all, their tasty food. The star of this moment is 48-year-old Li Junyong (李俊永), who runs a small fried chicken stall in Jingdezhen, Jiangxi Province, with tight rules on who he serves, when, and how.

Li has suddenly become one of the most trending people on Chinese social media under the nickname “Chicken Chop Brother” (鸡排哥 jīpáigē).

Li initially gained popularity among customers for his frantic, multitasking energy — he doesn’t mess around when it comes to his chicken chop business, with superspeed and a clear order of serving customers (“I’ll first do you, then finish yours, then I’ll serve you 做完你的做你的”) and rules such as: no individual customers after 4:30 PM; students pay 1 yuan (about $0.15) less than regular passersby (after 12:00 PM, however, it costs 1 yuan more as punishment for being indecisive); and customers must open the plastic bag themselves before he puts the hot chicken cutlet inside.

The serious way he goes about dealing with his chicken chops almost makes you think he was making big business deals instead of selling to middle school students. In the end, it’s that attitude that gained him social media fame, as students started referring to him as “Head of Chicken Cutlet Operations” (free translation for 鸡排主理人 Jīpái gē Zhǔlǐrén).

Head of Chicken Chop Operations: “Please open your plastic bag”, “No individual customers after 4:30 PM”, etc.

In light of Li’s explosive popularity, his chicken chop stall now sees extremely long queues, and local authorities and city management have had to intervene in order to control the crowds and keep the location safe.

There are definite downsides to such sudden fame, and Li is not the first street vendor this has happened to.

In 2023, for example, Beijing’s ‘Auntie Goose Legs’ (鹅腿阿姨) went viral, and the food stall owner became so overwhelmed that she temporarily had to take a break from her food stall, emotionally sharing how she said she felt too much pressure because of how the situation was unfolding, and that she just wanted to sell her goose legs in peace (“只想平平安安做烧烤”).

Long lines for Auntie’s goose legs.

It seems that “Brother Chicken Chops”, in line with his reputation as the chicken chop CEO, is trying to turn his viral moment into a sustainable business. According to Sina News, Li has drawn in relatives to help him. He reportedly has taught them how to make and sell his tasty fried chicken chops, and now his Chicken Chop Family (“鸡排家族”) has grown to a total of nine stalls.

Over the past week, Li has also joined several social media platforms, including Xiaohongshu, to build a social following that will last after the hype calms down.

Meanwhile, Li is the meme of the moment. As many Chinese workers experience working stress before the National Day holiday, they’ve used his superspeed working style videos to express the pressure they feel to finish all their deadlines. See videos here.

— What Else Is Trending —

WHAT’S POPULAR

2. China’s 2025 Golden Week Travel Trends

[#黄金周#] [#国庆节#] [#中秋节#]

China’s longest holiday of 2025 is coming up, combining National Day (国庆节) and Mid-Autumn Festival (中秋节) into an eight-day Golden Week from October 1–8. If you’re traveling in China this week, good luck — the country’s transportation infrastructure is being pushed to its operational limits.

On September 30, the first “smart people” who opted to leave early to avoid traffic jams already found themselves stuck in them. China’s Ministry of Transport estimates a staggering 2.36 billion trips will be made during this period, with October 1 expected to see over 340 million travelers — surpassing the historical peak of 339 million recorded during Spring Festival earlier this year.

🔸 This week is going to see a lot of events. According to the Ministry of Culture & Tourism, more than 12,000 cultural activities will be held across China during the eight-day holiday period, including over 300 large-scale light shows.

🔸 Chinese local tourism offices are going all in on city marketing and are finding new strategies to make themselves more appealing to young travelers. Chengdu, for example, as Tencent’s gaming hub, is integrating the 10th anniversary of the super popular mobile game Honor of Kings (王者荣耀, Wángzhě Róngyào) into its cultural tourism strategy this year, organizing game-themed city walks, exhibitions, and more.

🔸 China’s travel platform Trip.com reported that interprovincial travel bookings have surged 45% year-on-year, with particularly strong interest in remote destinations like Xinjiang, Tibet, and Inner Mongolia. Searches for hotels in these regions jumped 60% compared to last year. This reflects a shift among middle-class Chinese tourists toward experiential travel and natural landscapes rather than crowded urban attractions.

🔸 The holidays are a time for relaxation, reunions, and eating mooncakes, but it’s also a stressful time for Chinese employers who must comply with labor regulations while managing workforce availability and overtime obligations. Under China’s Labor Law, employees working on statutory public holidays—October 1–3 and October 6 (the official Mid-Autumn Festival date)—must receive at least 300% of their normal daily wage. For adjusted rest days (October 4–5 and October 7–8), employers must provide either 200% overtime pay or compensatory time off. The State Council designated September 28 (Sunday) and October 11 (Saturday) as make-up workdays, but private companies have flexibility to adjust their own schedules.

WHAT’S NOTEWORTHY

3. China Faces Unprecedented Donkey Shortage Crisis

[#我国正面临缺驴危机#] [#中国当前不缺牛马只缺驴#]

China is facing a serious donkey shortage. China’s donkey population is far below market demand, and the prices of donkey-related products continue to rise. The Donkey Branch of China’s Livestock Association (中国畜牧业协会驴业分会) addressed this issue in Chinese media earlier last week, telling China News Weekly (中国新闻周刊): “We have plenty of cattle and horses in China now — just not enough donkeys” (“目前我国牛马都不缺，就缺驴”).

Read this entire story here.

WORD OF THE WEEK

4. “Ride-hailing for Relatives” 亲属打车 Qīnshǔ Dǎchē

[#微信上线亲属打车小程序#] [#微信亲属打车#]

Tencent has rolled out a new function via WeChat Mini Programs on September 26, aimed at helping seniors who struggle with app-based ride-hailing. Thanks to the new function, now live nationwide, users can order rides on behalf of older relatives directly in WeChat.

Adult children who want to help out their less tech-savvy (grand)parents or other senior relatives can now bind their account to their own, remotely pre-set pickup and drop-off locations, as well as payment methods, and track their journey for safety.

What makes this different from the possibility of just ordering a ride for someone else is that the seniors stay in control to some extent and can see their own journeys on their own phones. Children can configure settings on their side, while the interface for the elderly users is simplified. This allows seniors to ride independently, with a little help from their family.

The move is part of a broader effort in China to make it easier for seniors to stay involved in the digitalization of society.

The word to know is 亲属打车 qīnshǔ dǎchē, consisting of “亲属” qīnshǔ (relatives) and ride-hailing 打车 dǎchē.

5. What’s Trending at a Glance

✈️ The 27-year-old Sichuan creator “Tang Feiji” (唐飞机) died in a plane crash while livestreaming on Sept 27. The ultralight aircraft, piloted and purchased by Tang himself, went out of control and crashed before catching fire. Over 1,000 viewers were watching live, with the chat flooded by messages pleading for someone to rescue him. Local village officials confirmed his death. The tragedy is fueling debate over amateur aviation and extreme content creation.
🟢 Weibo has rolled out a visible “online status” feature on personal pages, showing when users are online, and not everyone is happy with it. The new feature is met with criticism from concerned users who don’t want others to see they’re online. It brings back memories of China’s legendary IM app QQ, which, like MSN, showed the online status of users.
🥿 A Chinese Marriott hotel location in Changzhou has come under scrutiny adn triggered hygiene concerns after guests found out that the in-room hotel slippers were being reused. The hotel has admitted to disinfected the disposable slippers and reusing them 2–3 times, without disclosing this to guests in advance.
⚖️ China’s cyberspace authorities issued stern warnings and announced penalties on various Chinese social platforms recently, including Xiaohongshu, Weibo, and Kuaishou, which are blamed for not keeping celebrity gossip and low-quality content in check and for influencing their hot search rankings. This is all about algorithm governance and the tightrope platforms walk in serving readers, attracting attention, and satisfying regulators.
👵 “Outsourced Children” services for Chinese seniors went trending recently. In Dalian, an initiative offering companionship and mediation services for seniors charges 500–2,500 yuan ($70–$350) per visit and has apparently been quite a success, underscoring strong market demand of eldercare-related services and new opportunities for Chinese students.

By Manya Koetse

(follow on X, LinkedIn, or Instagram)