China Society
“Before I Met Him” – Unhappy Marriage Post Goes Viral on Weibo
A post on Zhihu about an unhappy marriage has received millions of views.
Published
3 years agoon
A social media post by a Chinese woman sharing her unhappiness in marriage has gone trending on Weibo. The post, which was originally posted on Q&A platform Zhihu.com on May 19, focuses on the issue of losing the desire to share one’s passions with each other after getting married.
The post was reshared on Weibo on May 27 by a popular blogger (@我的前任是极品, 16M fans), after which it went viral. Over 37,000 people commented on the post and more than 450,000 users liked it.
The post describes the life of a woman who used to live a happy life in Shanghai but who now, married with a child, feels she cannot share her memories and feelings with her husband, who keeps shutting her down. She feels her married life is like “living in a cage.”
A hashtag page relating to the post (#婚后分享欲丧失的瞬间#) received over 490 million views on Friday, making it one of the most-discussed Weibo topics of the day.
Over the past weeks, there have been many trending topics related to marriage and married life in China. Earlier in May, the annual China Beautiful Life Survey, conducted by the National Bureau of Statistics, revealed that 19.7% of married women in China regret getting married.
That topic also sparked discussions on married life and dissatisfaction among women, with many commenters indicating that they thought the actual number of unhappily married women might actually be much higher than 19.7%.
The dissatisfaction with marriage relates to many different issues. The problem of domestic violence has received much more attention in China recently. The issue of women feeling pressured to get married also sparked many discussions throughout the years. The clash between traditional ideas about married life, including the division of household responsibilities, and the ambitions and aspirations of modern-day women in China keeps coming back in day-to-day discussions.
The post that went viral is (loosely) translated below:
Before I met him, I was in Shanghai, going out for food and drinks every weekend, hiking and camping in the mountains with my buddies, and going to my colleagues’ house for mahjong and hotpot games. I spent all of my money every month and also used installments for my credit card. But I was also working hard, I was the best performer in a team of about ten people. I was doing well for myself but I was also a bit of a ‘happy-go-lucky.’
After I met him, I left Shanghai to go to Guangzhou, because we had more prospects of settling down there and buying a house. We’ve been in Guangzhou for four years now. We got married and have a child. On the weekends, we never get together with friends. Actually, we don’t really have friends. He doesn’t like to go out for walks and I feel too lazy to move anyway. Before we had our baby, we would watch movies on the weekends and have dinner together, but now basically everything revolves around our child. Of course, since we’ve been leading this life we’ve been able to save money, even though my wages aren’t high, and we have a strong sense of security.
But as the days go by, I feel more and more suffocated. I will give you an example, I hope you’ll understand.
A while ago I went back to Shanghai to take care of something. I was finished at 9 pm that evening and felt good, so I rode a bike to go back to the bar, and I wanted to see the place where I had lived. I had lived in Shanghai for three years, and I felt deeply about it – I loved this city. Especially the area of Xujiahui, where I had lived, and where the streets were quiet and the houses were pretty.
When I bring back the memories of my old life, my heart feels a bit heavy, but I can’t share that with him, because I don’t think he would like to hear about it.
After I returned from the bar, I told him about the job interview I had in a video call. HR had told me they would discuss wages with me the next day. He immediately started to lecture me on how to talk to them. It would be ok if it was just that, but in his tone of voice, I sensed he questioned my capabilities as if I didn’t understand anything. This manner of speaking will come up on a daily basis, but on this day it particularly got to me. I just said: “Could you mind your tone and consider my feelings? I was just riding my bicycle and feeling good, but I can’t share that with you because I know you don’t want to talk about that.” He immediately responded: “Don’t tell me about it, I definitely don’t want to chat about it with you. I don’t approve of your Shanghai life values at all, I don’t want to hear about your life there.”
I felt hurt. I remember how he shared pictures taken at his old school with me before and how I showed interest and brought back memories together with him. Even now I could imagine him not wanting to share more with me, but I can’t phantom him being so determined not to discuss this.
This all left a bad taste in my mouth and made me despair about my life afterward. How the person that matters most to me did not show any care or longing for me while I was away by myself, just wanting to shut you up and not talk about those useless things. Who can I share my happiness with? Who could I confide in and share my longing? Who could take my loneliness away? You are happily married, but have you ever thought that there are women out there who are treated like this by their husbands and that these husbands even think their wives should be grateful for finding a wise husband like him? I can’t really analyze it too much. I don’t know if I made myself clear. I just hope someone will understand.
Perhaps a lot of people are stuck dealing with marital infidelity, domestic violence, or poverty, and you may find this kind of sentimental nonsense of mine very boring, but I would like to say; is this not some kind of psychological domestic violence? When at any time and anywhere you are degraded by your partner, your needs are always rudely rejected, and you’re always afraid of being lectured and blamed for everything you do -isn’t that hard to bear?
Some of you may question if there’s something I did wrong, or if I perhaps really am incapable. I think I can still objectively evaluate myself: I have an annual salary of 150K [$23,500] (the other day of negotiating salary with the company we talked about an annual salary of 240K, and by the way, his annual salary is over 400K [$62,700]), I show filial respect to my parents, I’m especially good to my in-laws – I gave birth to the son the whole family wanted (let’s not mention the preference for boys), we have no house and no car (we’re planning to buy a house). I don’t like luxury goods. The most expensive bag I have is 780 [$122]. I do not wear makeup. My skincare products are of Curél rank. My most expensive shoes aren’t more expensive than 600 [$94]. Since I’m with him, I’ve only gone on two three-day trips in the area. Usually, I pay for most of the meals and movies (he pays for the water and electricity), Starbucks is overpriced, but we often have Luckin coffee. In general, I’m a level-headed – not overly materialistic and certainly not stingy – mentally healthy woman who is longing for a happy life.
Before getting married, I was looking forward to married life. Maybe my parents were too happy. After marriage, I feel like I’m living in a cage for 80% of the time. I can’t escape from it, and even if I could escape, I don’t know where to go.
The hard part about marriage is not that you are not married to a good man, but that you are married to a man who everyone thinks is a good man, but who is not good to you at all and does not even want to be good to you.
One of the main reasons the post went viral on Friday is because the anonymous blogger’s story resonated with many Weibo users.
“I feel this could have been me,” one person said: “Before, if there was something, he would be the first person I’d share it with, but not anymore. Because now I think he wouldn’t like it, or even dislike it, or not show interest at all. Over time, I’ve stopped sharing my feelings with him, regardless of whether I’m happy or unhappy.”
One commenter wrote: “When men get married it’s fine as long as they go to work, there is no big difference from being single. Yet when women get married they also need to work, and to give birth and look after the baby, do housework, serve the in-laws – it’s just not about losing the desire to share one’s passion, it’s about there simply being no time to share!”
Others also comment that sometimes too much information is shared between their partner and them: “He even lets me know how many times he went to the toilet!”
Although many people understand the original poster’s situation or even recognize themselves in her, there are also those who do not understand why she doesn’t get divorced. “This is not about losing a passion to share, this is about no longer loving someone,” some say: “If you can’t even talk about things that make you happy anymore, it’s the beginning of the end.”
By Manya Koetse
Featured image by JJ Ying on Unsplash
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©2021 Whatsonweibo. All rights reserved. Do not reproduce our content without permission – you can contact us at info@whatsonweibo.com.
Manya is the founder and editor-in-chief of What's on Weibo, offering independent analysis of social trends, online media, and digital culture in China for over a decade. Subscribe to gain access to content, including the Weibo Watch newsletter, which provides deeper insights into the China trends that matter. More about Manya at manyakoetse.com or follow on X.
China Memes & Viral
The ‘Cycling to Kaifeng’ Trend: How It Started, How It’s Going
The Kaifeng cycling craze revealed more than just the adventurous spirit of Chinese students.
Published
2 days agoon
November 12, 2024PREMIUM CONTENT
From city marketing to the spirit of China’s new generation, there are many themes behind the recent Zhengzhou trend of thousands of students cycling to Kaifeng overnight.
The term ‘yè qí‘ (夜骑), meaning “night ride,” has recently become a buzzword on Chinese social media. Large groups of students from various schools and universities in Zhengzhou, the capital of Henan province with a population of over 12 million, have been cycling en masse on shared bikes to Kaifeng, a neighboring historic city of around 5 million residents. These journeys often begin in the evenings or around midnight.
Across multiple platforms, videos of swarms of cyclists heading to Kaifeng have gone viral. The footage is striking, capturing streams of students embarking on the 40-mile nighttime journey, some waving Chinese flags, filming on their phones, singing together, and clearly having a great time.
According to some reports, approximately 100,000 or even 200,000 students have participated in these rides, drawing significant media attention both in China and internationally—especially after authorities began imposing restrictions on the so-called ‘Night Riding Army.’
HOW IT STARTED
The true origins of this story seem a bit murky.
The first Chinese news reports and blogs about students cycling to Kaifeng began surfacing around November 2-3 this year, coinciding with the first large-scale group rides from Zhengzhou to Kaifeng. The trend seemed to emerge out of nowhere.
On November 3, numerous Chinese media outlets provided an explanation for the phenomenon. According to these reports, on June 18, 2024, four female friends allegedly decided, at 7 PM, to embark on a 40-mile journey from Zhengzhou to Kaifeng to try out the city’s renowned soup dumplings. It took them around five hours to ride there, and, when they shared their adventure online, they used the slogan: “Youth only comes once” (青春只有一次).
Their posts were said to have inspired hundreds of other students to follow suit, organizing night rides in groups with the trend peaking during the first two weekends of November. This narrative of an organic trend of night riding to Kaifeng for dumplings was picked up by Western media outlets, including reports from the BBC and The Guardian.
Earlier in summer, some Henan media indeed reported about four girls doing a night ride to Kaifeng. This was followed by another video by a Douyin user (@去你的岛), dated June 23, documenting a ride from Zhengzhou to Kaifeng for breakfast. That video was later turned into a small news item (dated June 29, but showing footage of the June 23 ride). Aside from an October 6 video by another Douyin user (@小木同学) imitating the June 23 group by cycling to Kaifeng with friends, however, there is a notable lack of videos indicating a widespread cycling-to-Kaifeng trend before the large-scale group rides of November 2-3. Moreover, the original posts by the four girls are nowhere to be found.
This raises questions: How did the story of the four girls gain traction without leaving a significant digital footprint? Was the Zhengzhou-to-Kaifeng cycling trend a truly organic movement, or could it have been more orchestrated? Curiously, the Weibo hashtag “How did the college students’ night ride to Kaifeng initially start?” (#大学生夜骑开封最早是怎么开始的#), which had been used by multiple bloggers, was also taken offline at the time of writing.
The origins of the trend are particularly relevant as Chinese cities fiercely compete to become the next social media sensation. Since Zibo’s viral success, third- and second-tier cities across China have been striving to replicate its fame. While it’s ideal to become the next travel hit organically, cities often benefit from promoting local specialities and hyping up meme-worthy moments. Cities like Tianshui in Gansu and Harbin have enjoyed their moments in 2024, propelled by memes and viral content.
Kaifeng had already launched initiatives to boost tourism before the cycling trend. In March, a special shuttle service from Zhengzhou to Kaifeng was introduced to encourage day trips. In April, the city debuted its “Wang Po Matchmaking” show at Wansui Mountain Martial Arts City to attract tourists.
Tourist offices nationwide have become increasingly savvy in using social media for city marketing. Given the absence of a substantial social media trend from June to November, it seems plausible that the cycling phenomenon was a coordinated marketing effort. It likely began with a large group ride in early November, which sparked student interest, and snowballed. Kaifeng capitalized on the social media buzz starting November 2, but the scale of the phenomenon probably far exceeded what anyone had expected.
A CRAZY RIDE
As the ‘Zhengzhou to Kaifeng Night Ride’ was reported by local media and hit social media charts during the first weekend of November, it didn’t take long for students to catch on and join the ride. By the second weekend of November, Zhengkai Avenue, the main road from Zhengzhou to Kaifeng, was buzzing with activity, packed with thousands of university students participating in the night ride. Waving national flags, singing songs – including the national anthem -, taking group pictures, the moment was all that mattered.
While some foreign media speculated that the movement carried political undertones, citing at least one flag on the road advocating for the reunification of Taiwan with the motherland, it was likely more about patriotic youth waving non-controversial flags while channeling some nationalistic energy.
It was about “passion”—an English word that became synonymous with the nightly bike ride. It wasn’t about the soup dumplings or the exercise; it was about joy, freedom, and the pure, youthful energy of passion—an important theme for China’s Generation Z, the post-95 and post-00 generations, who often feel pushed and sometimes even paralyzed by the intense social pressures they face.
The trend was supported (or facilitated?) by Kaifeng authorities. On November 3, they set up shared bike stations along Zhengkai Avenue to manage the influx of cyclists. Police provided guidance at the scene and ensured safety throughout the night. Kaifeng’s Tourism Bureau issued a “cycling safety advisory” via its official WeChat account, encouraging visitors to adhere to traffic rules, travel sustainably, avoid peak times, and “enjoy the seasonal beauty of Kaifeng with a positive attitude.”
Starting on November 3, Kaifeng’s main tourist attractions, such as Millennium City Park, Wansui Mountain, and Daxiangguo Temple were specially opened to the ‘night riders’ in the middle of the night, even offering them free annual tourism passes (#开封多个景点为夜骑大学生免费#). At this time, the slogan “Youth is priceless, seize the night ride to Kaifeng” (“青春没有售价,夜骑开封拿下”) was actively promoted at Kaifeng tourist spots and in the media.
The shuttle bus taking students back to Zhengzhou was provided for free.
On social apps like Xiaohongshu, students shared various ‘strategy guides’ for the best way to navigate the nightly ride to Kaifeng, including tips such as:
- Choose a comfortable shared bike and avoid unlocking it along the way. With a bike like HelloBike, the journey will only cost 19.5 RMB ($2.70). Starting from Zhengzhou Sports Center Station, head north on Jinshui Road and cycle east in a straight line to Kaifeng. The trip should take about 4 hours.
- From Zhengzhou University to Kaifeng Gulou, the total distance is 79.4 km, with an estimated travel time of 6 hours and 38 minutes. Including breaks and meal stops, the journey could take at least 8 hours.
- Bring a small flag for photo opportunities.
- Upon arrival, visit the Haidilao hotpot restaurant, where they provide blankets and snacks.
- Must-try local dishes: soup dumplings, egg casserole, and deep-fried dough with soy milk.
GOING DOWNHILL
During the weekend of November 8-9, numerous videos emerged showing thousands of students cycling from Zhengzhou to Kaifeng, revealing chaotic scenes (link, link). Some estimates suggested that over 30,000 students had arrived in Kaifeng in a single night.
The trend had a significant impact, raising several concerns. Safety issues loomed large as the sheer number of bicycles on the road created risks, especially given that many participants lacked experience with long-distance cycling. Traffic congestion reached such levels that some cars became trapped amid the cycling groups.
The shared bike system also faced severe challenges. While students eagerly undertook the 4-5 hour downhill journey to Kaifeng, they were unwilling to make the uphill return to Zhengzhou. This resulted in thousands of bikes being abandoned in Kaifeng or along the route, requiring retrieval by the bike companies.
Beyond logistical strain on the bike-sharing system, the abandoned bikes caused significant disruptions in Kaifeng, with entire roads blocked. In Zhengzhou, locals complained about a lack of available bikes for their commutes.
While some praised the students’ adventurous spirit, others grew increasingly frustrated with the mounting problems.
By the afternoon of November 9, the official narrative shifted.
Initially, Chinese media celebrated the trend, but reports soon focused on its downsides. One widely shared story featured a 34-year-old man who had joined the ride with his daughter. Unaccustomed to cycling, he became exhausted after only 12-13 kilometers (about 8 miles) (#郑州34岁男子跟风夜骑开封后住院#). He was later hospitalized and diagnosed with hypokalemia (low potassium levels). The message? “Don’t blindly follow the trend.”
Authorities quickly stepped in to stop the night rides. Traffic police in Zhengzhou and Kaifeng issued a joint announcement banning the use of bike lanes on Zhengkai Avenue from 16:00 on November 9 to 12:00 on November 10.
Three major shared bike companies—Meituan, HelloBike, and Qingju—released statements reminding users that their bikes were not intended for cross-city travel. Bikes taken beyond designated zones would automatically lock and incur ‘relocation fees.’
Several universities implemented strict measures, ordering students back to campus and enforcing lockdowns. By Sunday night, some students took to Weibo to report that they were still not allowed to leave their campuses.
THE ROAD AHEAD
Despite the official crackdown on night rides to Kaifeng, some Zhengzhou students have now shifted to walking the entire route, a journey that can take up to 11 hours—equating to 70,000-100,000 steps on a smartwatch pedometer.
The crackdown on the nightly cycling craze has also prompted some reflection.
While many netizens praise the students for “truly embodying youth and vitality,” others see a deeper significance in the trend.
On Weibo, author Xu Kaizhen (许开祯) offers his perspective on what the Kaifeng phenomenon reveals about Chinese youth today. He writes:
“On the surface, the Kaifeng craze appears to be the latest trend in cultural tourism. But at its core, it has nothing to do with tourism. What is it really about? It’s about young people, about youth. And it’s not about youthful rebellion or hormones—modern youth have moved beyond that. It’s about escape. A collective, grand escape. An escape from a mediocre era, a mediocre life, and even a mediocre background. Every young person who joined the night ride was driven by a need to escape. Dissatisfied with reality yet powerless to change it, they turned to this collective unconscious act of performance art.”
Despite the criticism, it seems many hold a soft spot for China’s youth, understanding the challenges they face. As one popular comment puts it: “I dearly love this generation of Chinese youth. Their daytime has been drained by the previous generation, leaving only the night for them to carve out some space to unwind. ‘Escape’ describes it perfectly.”
For now, it seems the Kaifeng trend isn’t over. What began as an innocent, fun-loving initiative has turned into a mass mobilization that raises questions about hyped-up tourism, city marketing, and, most importantly, the boundless energy of China’s new generation. While the phenomenon has left many puzzled, some argue it’s crucial to grasp the youth’s yearning for these kinds of adventures.
As Xu Kaizhen concluded: “Perhaps by understanding this night ride, we can truly understand this generation. No—perhaps we can begin to understand the coming era.”
See our X thread with videos on this trend.
By Manya Koetse, with contributions by Miranda Barnes
(follow on X, LinkedIn, or Instagram)
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©2024 Whatsonweibo. All rights reserved. Do not reproduce our content without permission – you can contact us at info@whatsonweibo.com.
China Memes & Viral
The Viral Bao’an: How a Xiaoxitian Security Guard Became Famous Over a Pay Raise
Most netizens aren’t buying the story about the Xiaoxitian bao’an allegedly “misunderstanding” his dismissal.
Published
3 weeks agoon
October 23, 2024An elderly man with a friendly face from Shanxi Province’s Xi County became China’s most famous security guard this week. After first receiving a raise and then seemingly being fired from his job, the situation sparked so much discussion that it became a top trending topic on Weibo.
The man in question is a bǎo’ān (保安, security guard) at the Xiaoxitian (小西天) temple complex area in Xi County in the city of Linfen. That area has recently became a hot destination among domestic travelers because of the wildly popular video game Black Myth: Wukong. The game, inspired by the classic novel Journey to the West, features numerous real-life landmarks from Shanxi province.
As a so-called “Wukong site,” Xiaoxitian, among with dozens of other spots in Shanxi, has seen a surge in visitors, including gaming bloggers, travel vloggers, and online influencers.
One of these influencers is the Douyin vlogger “So Many Times” (@那么多曾经), who has been documenting the success of Xiaoxitian on her channel. The vlogger, who now has 12,000 fans, has been capturing the rising number of visitors to the area, especially during this year’s National Day holiday.
Her videos often focus on the best times to visit without having to queue, traffic updates, and daily visitor counts. In one video, she even captured the first group of foreign tourists visiting the area.
“They gave me a raise”
Recently, the vlogger also featured some of the security guards at Xiaoxitian, chatting with them about their local dialect, their work, and how they manage the crowds.
In the videos by “So Many Times,” the vlogger focused on one particular security guard—an elderly bao’an who was especially friendly to her. In several videos, he shared how much he enjoyed his job and the increasing responsibilities that came with Xiaoxitian’s growing popularity. He soon became affectionately known among visitors as the “Security Guard Uncle” (保安大叔).
In a video posted on October 15, the bao’an happily shared how grateful he was for the visitors. Smiling, he said, “I attended a meeting, and they gave me a raise. I used to earn 1,700 yuan (US$240) a month, and they added 500 yuan (US$70), so now it’s 2,100 (he meant 2,200 yuan/US$310). Everyone’s salary went up.” (See video here)
The security guard suggested the tourists were to be thanked for local bao’an getting a better pay, as it increased their workload.
The video quickly went viral—becoming the most-watched on the vlogger’s channel—as some viewers appreciated how ‘influencer tourism’ can benefit local workers. Others, however, were surprised by the 1,700 yuan/month (US$240) salary, considering it far too low. Beyond these discussions, the uncle’s friendly demeanor, humble enthusiasm, and obvious passion for his work touched many hearts.
A news reporter for Jimu News verified with the local citizen hotline that the minimum monthly wage in Xi County is 1,780 yuan ($250), and that the 1,700 yuan salary previously mentioned by the security guard was below this standard.
A few days later, on October 19, the Douyin vlogger whose videos made ‘Uncle Bao’an’ famous posted another short video (which has since been taken down). In this video, the security guard looked tired and said, “They [the superiors] told me not to work anymore. I didn’t say anything wrong, but they don’t want me to continue.”
He explained that his leaders thought it was inappropriate for him to appear in the other videos, though he felt it was spreading positive energy.
“These past few days, I haven’t been feeling well. They don’t want me to work, and I’m very sad.. I will never forget everyone’s support.”
“He didn’t hear it clearly”
News of the popular security guard’s alleged dismissal flooded the internet, becoming one of the hottest topics on Weibo.
Many netizens were outraged, feeling that the bao’an was unfairly forced to stop doing his job. They suggested he was dismissed because he disclosed information about his pay and the recent raise.
In light of the online controversy, the local tourism authorities responded to clarify the situation on October 20.
A spokesperson from Linfen suggested that the bao’an had not heard it clearly (“他就没听清楚”), and was not dismissed at all. Instead, he was simply given a few days off and “reassigned to a less demanding role” to lighten his workload, considering his age and the fact that he had been working without a break for the past two months.
“We all heard it clearly”
On social media, most netizens aren’t buying the story about the bao’an allegedly “misunderstanding” his dismissal.
“Do they think we’re fools? Do they think we haven’t all seen the video on the 19th?” one commenter wrote.
“Ha ha ha, if this hadn’t blown up online, he would have been fired. But because it went viral, now he’s ‘transferred to another post,’” another Weibo user remarked.
“We all heard it clearly,” another blogger added.
People suspected that the security guard was initially fired—possibly for speaking about his low income or because he was becoming a tourist attraction himself—but the decision was reversed after it sparked public outrage online. Rather than offering an apology, the authorities then claimed it was all just a misunderstanding.
In light of the controversy and worried over the bao’an’s well-being, other Douyin users visiting Xiaoxitian began searching for the popular security guard and filmed themselves finding him at a different location. In one such video, ‘Uncle Bao’an’ confirmed that his superiors had reassigned him to lighten his workload. Some viewers commented that he didn’t seem as happy as before.
However, in the latest video by “So Many Times” (@那么多曾经), the vlogger once again features her favorite bao’an. (She used a new account for this, as her original account was restricted from posting new videos). In the video, he expresses his gratitude and happiness for the overwhelming support he has received.
“I want to thank all of you online friends for your support and your concern for me. It makes me very happy. Thank you. so many people wanted to take a picture with me today. People from Henan, from Sichuan. So many people wanted to shake my hand.”
Despite the controversy, the bao’an seems quite pleased with his sudden fame. If he does end up losing his job after all, he could always launch a new career as an online influencer.
By Manya Koetse
(follow on X, LinkedIn, or Instagram)
Spotted a mistake or want to add something? Please let us know in comments below or email us. First-time commenters, please be patient – we will have to manually approve your comment before it appears.
©2024 Whatsonweibo. All rights reserved. Do not reproduce our content without permission – you can contact us at info@whatsonweibo.com.
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