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New Hot Job in China: “Mistress Discourager”

A new career is recently emerging in China. So-called “third person dissuaders” or “mistress discouragers” specialise in persuading mistresses to step back from their client’s marriage.
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8 years ago

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A new career is recently emerging in China. So-called “third person dissuaders” or “mistress discouragers” specialise in persuading mistresses to step back from their client’s marriage, and make an annual salary of approximately one million yuan (157,500 US$).

Saving a marriage does not come cheap. China’s “third person dissuaders” or “mistress discouragers” sometimes charge as high as 250,000 yuan (±40,000 US$) to persuade ‘the third person’ (小三), or  ‘the other woman’, to step back from their clients’ marriage.

The mysterious occupation initially started in the cities of Shanghai, Chengdu, and Shenzhen, but is now spreading throughout China.

The phenomenon was pushed to the forefront during the Second Chinese Marriage and Family Counseling Services Summit (中国婚姻家庭咨询服务行业高峰论坛) on October 10th, and became a hot topic in Chinese media and on social media platforms.

 

“80% of failed marriages have to do with a mistress problem.”

 

According to Shu Xin (舒心), head of the China Association of Marriage and Family (中国婚姻家庭工作联合会), it takes time and money to drill a “third person dissuader”. Training them to become qualified takes at least six months and costs over 300,000 yuan (±47,000 US$) per person.

But the money apparently is worth it, as specialized senior “mistress discouragers” make around one million Chinese yuan per year (around 157,500 US$).

During the Chinese Marriage and Family Summit, it was stated that China’s divorce rate has been on the rise for twelve consecutive years, and in 80% of the cases, the failing of these marriages has to do with a “mistress problem” (小三问题).

At the summit, Shu Xin pleaded for a regulation of the profession and its training, in order to avoid ruining the market.

 

“This shows that more and more people in China are having affairs.”

 

Users on Sina Weibo are also actively engaging in this hot topic. So far the topic “third person dissuader” (#小三劝退师#) has accumulated nearly 6,000 comments with more than 15 million views.

A lot of netizens see it as a weird yet promising career with Chinese characteristics (中国特色). “Demand determines supply. We all know that the common cause of Chinese divorces is marital infidelity. The rise of such a profession shows that more and more people are having affairs now,” Weibo user Tangguoyun says.

A user who calls himself PQ agrees: “The emerging of the ‘third person dissuader’ is the result of market demand.” He goes on to emphasize that the profession faces the risk of violating the law and moral codes: “The process of getting rid of a ‘third person’ might involve monitoring and stalking. It could also cause personal safety issues. That is why specific professional norms should be established by the relevant departments.”

 

“Curing the symptoms, not the disease”

 

The China Association of Marriage and Family called together the relevant professionals this month to develop guide regulations for ‘mistress discouragers’. The association also opened a nationwide complaint hotline to supervise the service quality.

However, the majority of Weibo users still have doubts on this occupation and consider it to only “cure the symptoms, not the disease”.

User Domi says: “Such actions are just a temporary solution. Those who have affairs are not loyal, and have weak self-discipline. Even though the ‘third person’ might be persuaded to leave the love triangle this time, there will be a ‘forth person’ or even ‘fifth person’ in the future.”

 

“Couples should do workshops on how to maintain a healthy marriage.”

 

In most western countries, it is common for couples to go for marriage counselling when they are having relationship problems. But couple’s therapy is not popular in China yet, as most Chinese people do not feel comfortable discussing personal matters in front of a total stranger. Although professional counselling is offered at local Civil Affair Bureau and Divorce Offices, people generally feel ashamed to share such private matters.

Some users on Sina Weibo point out the importance of marriage counselling, and encourage couples with ‘third person’ issues to go into couple’s theory together. “Apart from third party counselling courses, it would be good for couples to do workshops on maintaining a good marriage.” says user ClaraSY.  Until then, mistress discouragers can make a good living out of other people’s love affairs..

By Yiying Fan

©2015 Whatsonweibo. All rights reserved. Do not reproduce our content without permission – you can contact us at info@whatsonweibo.com.

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About the author: Yiying Fan is a world traveler and Chinese freelance writer from Shanghai.

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China Memes & Viral

When a Scene from a 2010 Chinese TV Drama Goes Viral: The ‘Cao Cao Flips Rice Bowl’ Meme

Cao Cao flipping the rice bowl is another Cao Cao meme that’s widely used to convey internal struggles about facing reality.
Zilan Qian

Published

16 hours ago

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June 3, 2023

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These days, a viral meme originating from the Chinese TV series Three Kingdoms (三国) has gained significant traction on Chinese social media.

In a memorable scene from the 2010 series, Cao Cao, a prominent warlord in Chinese history played by actor Chen Jianbin (陈建斌), angrily flips his rice bowl upon receiving news of a surprise attack, only to gather the spilled rice back into the bowl later.

This scene featuring an enraged Cao Cao has resurfaced and struck a chord with individuals reluctantly facing reality.

Turning into a popular meme, Cao Cao flipping the rice bowl has become widely employed to convey sentiments of self-inflicted humiliation or the hesitation to undertake certain actions.

The Context of the Scene

The specific scene comes from episode 12 of the Three Kingdoms. Warlord Cao Cao, who is governor of Yan Province, is enjoying his meal when his advisor comes in to inform him about a surprise attack by Chinese military general Lü Bu (吕布), capturing almost the entire province.

The meme of “曹操盖饭.” The term “盖” is often translated as “covering” or “capping.” When combined with 饭 (rice), it forms a noun that refers to a dish where various toppings, such as cooked meat or sauces, cover the rice, similar to a Donburi-style meal.

Upon receiving this alarming report, Cao Cao’s anger flared, and he promptly flipped his rice bowl upside down on the table, an act now commonly referred to as “Cao Cao flips the rice bowl” (曹操盖饭).

Cao Cao’s anger was intertwined with disbelief at Lü Bu’s audacity to execute such a daring attack. Cao Cao’s advisor swiftly clarified that the mastermind behind the attack was Lü Bu’s strategist, Chen Gong (陈宫), who was also renowned as a brilliant strategist during the Three Kingdoms era.

As he grasped the true situation, Cao Cao gradually regained his composure and meticulously gathered the spilled rice back into his bowl – an act now known as “Cao Cao retrieving his bowl of rice” (曹操撤回了一碗饭),- before resuming his meal.

The catchphrase that is used to describe Cao Cao retrieving his rice utilizes the word “chèhuí” (撤回), which means “to recall” or “to retract.” It can be understood as “Cao Cao recalled his bowl of rice,” drawing a parallel to the recall function in WeChat that allows users to retract or cancel a message after it has been sent.

How To Use the Meme

The contrast between the forceful act of flipping the rice bowl and the subsequent unwillingness and silence displayed while putting the scattered rice back into the bowl is a key factor contributing to the meme’s viral nature on the internet.

Netizens have creatively applied Cao Cao’s meme in various situations to express their own internal struggles or a sense of self-inflicted humiliation they experience (自己打自己脸).

For instance, the meme effectively captures the feelings of both white-collar workers and students who utilize the “Cao Cao flips the rice bowl” meme on Fridays. On this day, they express their frustration with the demanding work week and their eagerness to leave their tasks behind.

However, the arrival of Monday brings a sense of reality as they realize the necessity of returning to the office or school. The “Cao Cao retrieves his bowl of rice” meme is then employed to represent the unavoidable resumption of their daily routines.

In this regard, the meme is somewhat comparable to the English “F*ck This Job, *Goes to Work*” meme (link).

“Not Possible, Absolutely Not Possible”

It is not the first time for Three Kingdom‘s Cao Cao to achieve viral status through memes.

Prior to the emergence of the ‘Cao Cao flips/retrieves the rice’ meme, Cao Cao was already well-known for another meme phrase: “Not possible, absolutely not possible” (“不可能，绝对不可能”).

This meme originated from a scene where Cao Cao received news of Liu Bei’s rebellion, immediately after confidently asserting that Liu Bei, another major warlord, would never betray him.

“Not possible, absolutely not possible”

The meme captures the essence of self-deception and the unwillingness to accept the truth. Similar to the current popular meme, this meme is often used to depict situations where someone unintentionally exposes their own flaws or contradicts their previous statements, symbolizing a self-inflicted “slap in the face.”

Read more of our articles about memes in China here.

By Zilan Qian

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©2023 Whatsonweibo. All rights reserved. Do not reproduce our content without permission – you can contact us at info@whatsonweibo.com.

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China Celebs

Fandom Meets Matrimony: Sea of Brides at Roy Wang’s Concert as Female Fans Show Up in Wedding Gowns

After showing up as brides at Roy Wang’s concert, some female fans attempted to return their gowns within the store’s 7-day ‘No Questions Asked Return Policy’.
Manya Koetse

Published

3 days ago

on

May 31, 2023

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A recent concert by Chinese celebrity Roy Wang (Wang Yuan 王源) has become a hot topic on Chinese social media as female fans attending the show collectively decided to wear wedding dresses to express their love for the singer.

Born in 2000, Roy Wang is best known as a member of the hugely popular TFboys idol group that debuted in 2013, but his solo career has also been thriving for years. Wang is an award-winning musician, who is now among China’s most influential young celebrities. On Weibo, he has nearly 85 million followers.

The sight of so many fans coming to Wang’s Chongqing concert wearing wedding dresses was already remarkable, but it garnered even greater attention when it turned out that some of the women’s boyfriends were so upset over their girlfriends wearing a wedding dress for another man that they ended the relationship because of it.

On Douyin (China’s TikTok), the related discussion made it to the top 5 trending daily topics list.

Female fans partying in their wedding dress. Photo posted on Weibo.

The story gained further traction when reports emerged that some female fans who had recently purchased wedding dresses for the concert attempted to return them to the store the next day, taking advantage of the store’s policy that allows returns within seven days without requiring a specific reason (7天无理由退货).

“I already wondered why business was suddenly booming,” one Chongqing wedding gown seller wrote on social media, complaining how the return policy was being abused by some of Roy Wang’s fans.

Others saw the fact that they wore the wedding dress to the concert as a unique selling point, and tried to resell their gowns online for more than the original price, claiming that the dress still had “a hint of the concert’s aroma.”

Scene of the concert.

Commenters bombarded these women with negative comments, as the topic also drew wider discussions on how far some fans are willing to go to show their love for their idols.

Some social media users expressed that a wedding dress has a symbolical or even sacred function, and that tying the concept of fandom to matrimony is inappropriate. They condemned the women for showing up to the concert as brides.

Given that many of the commenters criticizing the women were male, there were also feminist voices that condemned these men for their pettiness and chauvinistic attitudes. One comment stood out: “There will always be men whose ego is bruised when women they don’t even know won’t wear a wedding dress and save their chastity for them. Thanks to Roy Wang’s concert, I once again realize the diversity of species.”

In an online poll asking people “Can women only wear a wedding dress once in their lives” (#女生一生只能穿一次婚纱吗#) the majority of people replied that they should just wear whatever they like.

“My first thought is that this is romantic,” one popular entertainment blogging account (@娱大蜀黍) wrote: “My second thought is that it’s actually quite moving. In the midst of their youth, they are writing a passionate chapter for themselves. They will treasure it as a beautiful memory later on in life. They do what they love and they’re not bothering anyone. It’s perfectly fine.”

By Manya Koetse & Miranda Barnes

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©2023 Whatsonweibo. All rights reserved. Do not reproduce our content without permission – you can contact us at info@whatsonweibo.com.

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