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China’s ‘Naohun’ Tradition: Are Wedding Games Going Too Far?

Teasing games at a recent celebrity wedding triggered online conversations about the Chinese tradition of ‘naohun’: ‘making turbulence at a wedding’. Is this ancient wedding custom, that includes the teasing of the bridge and groom and their bridesmaids, going too far?

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Teasing games at a recent celebrity wedding triggered online conversations about the Chinese tradition of ‘naohun’ (闹婚): ‘making turbulence at a wedding’. Is this ancient wedding custom, that includes the teasing of the bridge and groom and their bridesmaids, going too far?

Teasing a wedding couple, especially the bride, has always been an activity to lighten up the marriage ceremony in China. Wedding guests generally derive great pleasure from letting the bride and groom kiss or from making them do slightly embarrassing tasks. In China’s modern western-style weddings, the teasing also applies to the bridesmaids. This tradition has recently become the focus of heated discussions triggered by various events, including the teasing games at a celebrity wedding.

In late March, Chinese actor Bao Beier (@包贝尔) and actress Bao Wenqian (@包文婧) attracted unwanted attention to their Bali wedding when a video clip of a wedding game leaked online, causing a heated debate amongst netizens that continued for weeks.

Throwing bridesmaids in the water

In the game, five best men were lifting bridesmaid Liu Yan (@柳岩) by her limbs and attempted to throw her into a small pool nearby. Liu Yan appears to be screaming and struggling, but the best men continued to carry her to the water. The game was only stopped when Jia Ling (@贾玲), another bridesmaid, came to Liu’s rescue.

The video soon attracted heated discussion on social media, making it to the top of Sina Weibo’s trending topics under the hashtag of “Liu Yan Bridesmaid Teased” (#柳岩当伴娘被捉弄). Wedding game or not, many think the teasing went too far, with a myriad of netizens deeming the game inappropriate.

teasing

tree

Earlier this year, the Chinese naohun tradition also sparked debates when a bride and groom were tied up to a tree to celebrate their wedding in Hubei.

The Chinese wedding teasing tradition

Why do wedding games attract so much controversy? An important reason is that these wedding customs reflect the experiences of many Chinese who think that these ancient traditions have no place in modern-day China.

Naohun (闹婚, literally ‘disturbing a marriage’) has been a long-standing practice since the Han dynasty (221–207 BC). It refers to a series of activities that the wedding couple has to do or undergo by the request of wedding attendants. During the wedding, relatives and friends are expected to “drink and laugh, speak and act without restraint” (杨树达,”汉代婚丧礼俗考”) to ensure a lively wedding atmosphere. It is also a sign of friendship.

There various activities to tease the newly-weds and particularly the bride. Usually after the official ceremony, the couple will be accompanied by all wedding attendants into their marriage-room (洞房). The group will remain in the room, urging the couple to kiss or hug.

naohun

During the wedding night, family members can stay outside the door and listen to their “bed activities” (听房). A Ming folk song in Sichuan district describes the teasing of brides: “First look at her hands, second look at her feet and third look at her waist; if she does not present these herself, our hands will reach out” (明代《新房曲》).

The usually strict family hierarchy will also break down during the wedding days (新婚三日无大小). Uncles or young brothers can all touch the bride under the pretense of ‘teasing’ her.

Naohun as form of sexual education

According to an article by iRead (@壹读), Naohun historically served two purposes. The first is sexual education. In old China, marrying in early teens (13-15) was common and pre-marital sex was taboo. Neither the boy nor the girl would have much knowledge about sex before getting married.

Group teasing on a wedding was supposed to break the initial awkwardness between the young bride and groom. They would ‘educate’ them by dropping hints on how they can be intimate together.

Another purpose of teasing is for the bridegroom’s family to declare ‘ownership’ of the bride. By teasing the bride, it was publicly conveyed that the woman now was a part of her husband’s family.

An embarrassing tradition

While in modern society, sexual education and declaration of ownership are no longer relevant for weddings, the tradition of teasing is still standing strong. There are very mild forms, such the cross-armed toasting (交杯酒) or having the couple bite an apple with their hands tied.

tradition

But what about rubbing a banana on the bride’s abdomen? Or what if teasing leads to physical injuries? According to CCTV, many people feel that China’s old traditions are no longer appropriate in today’s China; 70% of Chinese people feel embarrassed by China’s naohun tradition.

According to another recent survey hosted by Xinlang Entertainment (@新浪娱乐), 78.4% of Chinese netizens believe that teasing women on a wedding is a notorious tradition that is disrespectful to women. 16.4% say that whether teasing is acceptable or not depends on the bride’s or bridesmaid’s attitude. Only 5.2% think that teasing is an integral part of China’s wedding celebrations, and that it should not be taken too seriously.

No-teasing contract

It cannot be denied that mild, harmless teasing activities in the wedding can contribute to a livelier and more intimate atmosphere. After all, who doesn’t want some silly fun and laughter on such a joyous day? But when fun goes too far and becomes disrespectful, it might be time to question the importance of preserving the naohun tradition.

Some people now decide not to wait and see what the wedding will bring, but take matters in their own hands by making a “no wedding teasing contract”. Chinese media reported how one Mrs. Tian from Wuhan decided to make such a contract before participating in a friends’ wedding as a bridesmaid, after hearing about the notorious naohun traditions in the groom’s hometown.

The contract, that was signed by the groom and his family, included rules like no men could touch her, no forced drinking and no forms of humiliation.

As for the celebrity wedding issue, the involved celebrities Liu Yan, Bao Bei’er , Hang Geng and Du Haitao have all responded to the controversy – which they had wanted to avoid at all costs. According to them, “these things agreed amongst friends should remain clear of public judgement.” For their next big wedding, they might choose for a no-teasing contract, just to be sure.

– By Diandian Guo & Manya Koetse

More about the naohun tradition (in Chinese):
The Best 22 Naohun Tips
Notorious Naohun customs around China
Naohun can look like this in some parts of China
Why Chinese Men Likes Teasing the Bridesmaid

©2016 Whatsonweibo. All rights reserved. Do not reproduce our content without permission – you can contact us at info@whatsonweibo.com.

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Diandian Guo is a China-born Master student of transdisciplinary and global society, politics & culture at the University of Groningen with a special interest for new media in China. She has a BA in International Relations from Beijing Foreign Language University, and is specialized in China's cultural memory.

China Insight

Chinese Netizens’ Response to New Zealand Mosque Attacks

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The shocking New Zealand mosque attack, killing at least 49 people, is making headlines worldwide. On Weibo, it is the top trending topic today. A short overview of some of the reactions on Chinese social media.

At least 49 people were killed and 20 wounded when an attacker opened fire at two mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand, on Friday. According to various media reports, one man in his late 20s had been arrested and charged with murder. Three other people, two men and one woman, have also been arrested in relation to the attack.

Footage of the brutal shootings, which was live-streamed by the gunman, has been making its rounds on social media. Although the videos are being taken down from Facebook and Twitter, people are still sharing the shocking images and footage on Weibo at time of writing.

The gunman, who has been named as the 28-year-old Brenton Tarrant, reportedly also posted a 70-page manifesto online expressing white supremacist views.

On Chinese social media platform Sina Weibo, the New Zealand mosque attack became a number one trending topic on Friday night, local time, with the hashtag “New Zealand Shootings” (#新西兰枪击案#) receiving at least 130 million views, and thousands of reactions.

“It takes the collaborate efforts of all people to work on a beautiful world, it just takes a few people to destroy it,” one Weibo user wrote.

“Extremism is incredibly scary,” others said. “I saw the livestreaming video and it’s too cruel – like a massacre from a shooter video game.” “I’m so shaken, I don’t even want to think of the panic these people must have felt.”

“I’ve seen the footage, and this is so horrible. It makes me want to cry. It’s a massacre.” Other commenters also write: “This is just so inhumane.”

One aspect that especially attracted attention on Chinese social media is that, according to many people posting on Weibo and Wechat, the main suspect expressed in his manifesto that the nation he felt closest to in terms of his “political and social values” is “that of the People’s Republic of China.”

Journalist Matthew Keys reportedly uploaded the main suspect’s manifesto, which was published on January 21, 2019. This article says that to the question about whether he was a fascist, Tarrant indeed wrote that “the nation with the closest political and social values to my own is the People’s Republic of China.”

Some netizens wrote that, in mentioning the PRC, the shooter “also vilified China.” Others also said that the shootings definitely “do not correspond to the values of China.”

There are also dozens of Weibo users who blame Western media for the attacker’s comments on China corresponding to his own values. “What he appreciated is what Western media is propagating about our management of Muslims in Xinjiang,” some say: “He was influenced by the foreign media disseminating that we’re anti-Muslim.”

“He sympathized with the China portrayed by foreign media, not with the real China.”

“Western governments and media have demonized China for a long time, what they are making Western people believe about what China is, this is what the New Zealand shooter felt closest to in terms of his values,” one person wrote.

“These kinds of extreme-right terrorists would be destroyed in China,” others wrote.

Among all people expressing their disgust and horror at the Christchurch shootings, there are also those expressing anti-Muslim views and hatred, with some comment sections having turned into threads full of vicious remarks.

Then there are those criticizing the Muslims that are also commenting on Weibo: “The Muslims in China were quiet when it was about the [islamist extremist] attacks in Kunshan, but now that this massacre happened at the pig-hating mosque, they are all bemoaning the state of the universe and are denouncing terrorism.”

Among the thousands of reactions flooding in on Weibo, there are countless comments condemning those who turn the shocking attack into an occasion for making anti-Muslim or political remarks. “This is a terrorist attack. The victims are ordinary people. Why would you make malicious comments?”

One Weibo user simply writes: “The world has gone crazy.” “A tragic event. I hope the victims will rest in peace.”

By Manya Koetse 

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©2019 Whatsonweibo. All rights reserved. Do not reproduce our content without permission – you can contact us at info@whatsonweibo.com.

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In China’s “Kua Kua” Chat Groups, People Pay to Be Praised [Updated]

Money can’t buy you love, but in these ‘kua kua’ groups, they can buy you praise.

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Image via hexun.com.

First published

Social media is often called a battlefield, but in these Chinese WeChat ‘Kua kua’ groups (夸夸群), people will praise you no matter what you do or say.

A new phenomenon has become a hot topic on Chinese social media these days. ‘Kua kua’ groups (夸夸群) are chat groups where people share some things about themselves – even if they are negative things – and where other people will always tell them how great they are, no matter what.

Kua kua groups (夸 ‘kuā‘ literally means ‘praise’) have become all the rage in China. People seem to love them for the mere fact that it makes them feel good about themselves.

The format is clear. Person A tells about something that is on their minds, and asks people for positive feedback. Person B, C, and D will then come forward and tell them how good or pretty they are, sometimes based on their profile photo.

One could say: “Hi everyone, I’ve just turned down a job offer, but now my future is full of uncertainty, please compliment me.” Then people in the chat group will respond and say things such as: “You look like the type of person who knows exactly what they want.”

The Kua kua praise group phenomenon allegedly began within the online community of Xi’an Jiaotong University – although some claim it was Shanghai’s Fudan University – when one person asked others in a chat group to compliment them. The idea started to compliment and praise others, and so a trend was born; first, in university (BBS) chat groups, and now on WeChat and beyond the realm of universities.

The phenomenon has been around for at least six years, but only recently started gaining widespread attention on Chinese social media. According to China’s Toutiao News, virtually every college now has its own ‘praise group.’

But the praise does not always come for free. Although many (college-based) chat groups are free to join, people who want to be complimented and are not yet a member of an existing group can join Kua kua groups when they pay for it. On Chinese e-commerce platform Taobao, there are various online shops that sell a ‘Praise group’ membership starting from 50 yuan ($7,5) per person, going up to 188 yuan ($28).

The time of praise is limited to five minutes unless you pay more. The quality of the compliments you’ll be getting also depends on how much you pay. Some groups allegedly consist of “students of great talent,” and the number of people complimenting one person could reach up to 500 people.

The contents of the praise could literally be anything. A simple “I want to be praised” comment could get a variety of reactions from “your hat looks nice” to “the fact that you’re so honest and straightforward about what you want is something that is hard to come across in this day and age,” to “you used a period mark [at the end of your sentence], you must be someone who is very persistent in reaching your goals.”

The fact that the “Kua kua” phenomenon is such a success in China might relate to its culture, where humility and modesty are considered ideal in day-to-day communications. When given a compliment, it is common in China to deny it or to suggest that the person giving the compliment is much better than they are (also see Cheng 2003, 30).

These chat groups, however, break away from the dominant cultural interactions: people don’t have to be polite in responding to the compliments and can wallow in the praise they paid for.

Although not as big as the “Kua Kua” group phenomenon, these kinds of groups also exist in the English-language social media sphere. On Reddit’s “Toast Me” page, for example, there are some 92,000 subscribers participating in asking and giving positive feedback to others, albeit unpaid.

The people giving compliments in the Chinese Kua kua groups are random people, some students, some staff of Taobao stores, who get hongbao, red envelopes with digital money gifts, for contributing to the group. According to some reports, some ‘customers’ end up staying the group and become a part of the team themselves.

We will follow up on this later: we booked a ‘five-minute praise session’ ourselves, but are still awaiting admission to the group…

 

Update: Our Kua Kua Experience

 

So what is the Kua kua experience like? We decided to try out for ourselves and purchased a 5-minute praise session through Taobao for 50 yuan ($7,5) from a seller that had a good rating.

After the purchase is completed, the seller will contact you with details asking for your WeChat ID. After adding, they will ask you what your ‘problem’ or issue is, and you will be put in a virtual queue until your turn comes up to be praised.

You’ll then be added to a WeChat group that has your name in the headline (ours was something like “Manya you can do it”) and that has around 200 participants.

The message posted by us was:

Hello, I’m Manya (Dutch). I’ve been studying Chinese for more than ten years. In fact, I’m afraid to say it may even be more than 13 years, but I still often don’t understand what Beijing taxi drivers are saying. Even studying every day won’t help. I’ve been learning for so many years, yet I often still don’t understand what the old people in Beijing are saying. It’s a bit embarrassing. I think my Chinese is still not good enough. I can’t understand the ‘crosstalk’ [comedy sketches] during the Spring Festival Gala at all. It makes me feel a little dispirited.

Within a matter of seconds, the screen then just fills up with positive feedback and emoji. There are dozens of comments, and they almost go too fast to read them all.

Some of the responses:

You’re great, and even I don’t understand Beijing taxi drivers.

Stay confident in yourself!

You’re so cool.”

You can type so many Chinese characters, who’d say your Chinese is not good enough?!

Manya, you’re so fantastic.”

None of us understand what old people in Beijing are saying.

Chinese is just not easy to study, the fact that you’ve been doing it for so long already shows how great you are.”

It’s incredible that you’ve already come this far.”

A woman who is so motivated about studying really moves me, you’re my role model, you make me want to study more English.”

During the praise session, the group leader will occasionally post a hongbao [envelope with money] for the participants to receive in return for their compliments.

After five minutes, the session ends, and the people will send out some last words of encouragement. The group leader will personally thank you for being part of the group, and later, you’ll be removed from the group as the people will move on to the next person who is waiting in line to be praised.

How does it feel to be praised by some 200 people, receiving hundreds of compliments? It’s overwhelming, and even though you know it’s all just an online mechanism, and that it doesn’t matter who you are or what you say, it still makes you glow a little bit inside.

Although some experts quoted by Chinese state media warn people not to rely on these praise groups too much, there does not seem to be much harm in allowing yourself to be complimented for some minutes from time to time.

Other people reviewing the same Kua kua group apparently feel the same: “I’m super satisfied, the result is amazing.”

By Manya Koetse  and Miranda Barnes

Featured image via hexun.com.

References

Cheng, Winnie. 2003. Intercultural Communication. Amsterdam, John Benjamins Publishing.

Spotted a mistake or want to add something? Please email us.

©2019 Whatsonweibo. All rights reserved. Do not reproduce our content without permission – you can contact us at info@whatsonweibo.com.

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What’s on Weibo provides social, cultural & historical insights into an ever-changing China. What’s on Weibo sheds light on China’s digital media landscape and brings the story behind the hashtag. This independent news site is managed by sinologist Manya Koetse. Contact info@whatsonweibo.com. ©2014-2018

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